Wednesday, December 31, 2003

my blog may have laid dormant, but i haven't

friday night with helena was a success - we hit the continental, popped in bleu martini (not good) and cafe spice (also not good) and then went to 27 bank st (old 'envy' - terrible) so the night was taken up into high gear and we hit 2-4 club which got jumpin' pretty quick (we arrived there at 2am). but then helena got sleep and that was that.

saturday night was a greek house party, and i mean, really...the guys are greek. helena and miss mcd finally got to meet tami and all of us had an amazing time testing out jessica's new soda club machine (vodka and cherry liqueur, carbonated!, anyone??)

sunday consisted of hanging out with jessica and going to her dad's which the experience itself is worthy of a blog entry. the girl made out like a bandit.

monday night with helena, liz, and adam was absolutely awesome. liz had to leave early, so helena and adam and i hit soma. oh my god. the best night ever. i can't remember the last time that i smiled so much while dancing. the vibe was chill and cool and sooo positive. the place just had amazing energy. packed to the brim, no one cared that everyone was dancing on top of everyone else. the dj laid the beats and we were commanded to dance. people formed circles through out the night and people showcased their moves. absolutely outrageous.

tuesday, yesterday, consisted of running around. i got a new jacket and jeans...

today is new year's eve!! in the middle of getting ready, but wanted to blog about my plans in case anyone will be in new york tonight, give my cell a ring! helena and i will be hanging out with austin in manhattan. should be good. tis all for now. wet hair mess must now become gorgeous flowing locks ready for a wild night out on the town.

happy new year's everyone! have fun and take care!!! oxoxox

Friday, December 26, 2003

tonight tonight

just got off the phone with miss helena and we have tentative plans for tonight. it is friday and the city is jumping. check it out at the city paper webpage for their djnights. trying to get a hold of jess mcd to see if she wants to come out as well. going to also call tami and see if she can come out and play too. also, called adam r. last night and we have made plans for monday or tuesday for another night out on the town. hoping that helena, jess mcd, and other goucher-philly people will be able to come too. hoping to make it the best night ever. really wish i had some cool clothes to wear when i go out. wishing i wasn't ballooning up into a cow, too. being home kinda makes me miserable, which makes me eat a lot. and this, my friends, is a problem. i don't know what's worse, really - being home and eating a lot, or being in france and eating a lot. and, i looked at the itinerary for is insane. our days start, early and end late. we are going to cover 3 chapters while we are there. we have to finish our research paper and present it to the class. i hate this. why did i sign up for this?? why?!?

trading spaces obsession, part deux

over the summer, for that month that i was home, i became obsessed with the home improvement shows, but mostly with trading spaces. this new obsession with interior decorating even had me considering a second B.A. degree in...interior design. even looked up where thom of queer eye went to school. (syracuse university) now i get info from their school of interior design. and now that i am home again, i have become obsessed with trading spaces and obsessed with interior design. is this the path for me? shall i turn my back to psychology and my new found love for sculpture and do interior design?? previously, i answered that question with a big fat no, when i considered the fact that the economy is shite and that the last thing on rich people's mind will be interior decorating. but, perhaps i am wrong. i don't know.

but, until then, i will decorate my room lavishly. bonus - while i was in new york, i picked up 2 lanterns. i see my new room as a chance to go crazy, and i plan on creating some kind of curtain to walk through and hang up my photo piece and fabric the hall that leads to my room. am i insane? perhaps. but, this is what makes me happy. i mean, sometimes at night, as i work through my insomnia, i pick one of my friend's apartments and redecorate it in my head, as if it was mine. one recurring theme - orange and white ultra modern living room. sleek, stylish, mod. man, i can't wait to have my own apartment... until then, i will live vicariously through the decorators of trading spaces. did i mention that i just watched like 3 straight hours of trading spaces. i had to force myself to get up because i could watch that show forever. actually, i think i might get my blankets and watch it in the living room until i fall asleep.... not watching it is making me anxious, for some reason. argh! i thought blogging about it would ease things up a bit. but, it's such a damn good show.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

guess who's back?

jaime's back.

yes, she's back. yes, she's back. (eminem style dramatics may not impress you, but - perhaps this will....)

merry christmas everyone!! happy channukah!! and kwanzaa!! last night in new york, a little girl came out of the theatre that was showcasing hugh jackman's talents in the production of "the boy from oz" and this little girl exclaimed, "happy kwanzaa everybody!!" so, "happy everything, everybody!!"

earlier that day, on the way to times square, to distract us from the treacherous rain, i proposed a new holiday to my mom. a holiday that doesn't include gifts. a holiday with no religious affiliation. but, a holiday that is full of love and appreciation that the whole world will celebrate and decorate their houses and wear special colors and just be good and nice and loving and human to everyone. i went on and on about it, but came to the realization that such a holiday is not possible. such a holiday is not possible because i am asking for a holiday that includes no faith, no commercialization (although cards would be okay, i think), no gifts. what would be the motivation for people to be good to each other? certainly not my words, or the words of anyone else out there that has been preaching for decency and humanity. plus, there may be people that you really abhor. and, even though that sounds contrary to what i am saying, some people don't deserve to be loved/can't accept love. are you supposed to be good and kind to those who may really want to spit in your face? so, i think xmas and valentine's day will have to do for now, until either i or someone else can come up with a better plan. can you come up with a better plan?

the highlights from this break have been, new york, reading bridget jone's dairy (2nd one), watching trading spaces and the gingerbread competition show, and receiving text messages from virginia's celly. i am also teeming with ideas for my photo and welding classes this spring, but the realization that i will not be able to take literature, philosophy, psychology, photo, welding, and computer music classes all at the same time has come crashing down. i want my last semester to be exciting and challenging, but i also don't want to drive myself insane, or drive friends away, which is what i think i have done this semester. i feel like i pushed a lot of people away this semester, and i would very much like to get them back. they may not have realized it, but there are some out there that i wish i had spent more time with or gotten to know better, but just felt too overwhelmed. i hope things will be better this time around.

anyway, must run and eat some dinner.
ciao ciao.
and good health and happiness to all.

Monday, December 22, 2003

a little delayed, new york
so....we should have been on the road by now, but our water heater BURST and EXPLODED hot water everywhere! i believe i am to blame. tried to take a very hot bath yesterday, while the washer was running. would something like that do it? and then my hot shower this morning. i am the asshole. there is water...water, everywhere!!! turned into sludge by mixing with all the kitty litter. if i were to drain all the water, i would have enough kitty litter clay to make a small pinch pot.

eww....kitty litter pinch pot!

but, mom is cool. we're going to go to nyc anyway, now that the water has been turned off by 2 very young, rough-looking plumbers. i think one of them may be an old friend's younger brother. he looks very familiar. so, screw all of this. we are soo out of here.

here i come, new york
going to be leaving for n.y.c. soon. should be fun. perhaps we will see a show (1st choice, boy from oz w/hugh jackman - !!!) or a museum (i am in some major need of modern art). shopping is a must. as is getting some photo supplies and eating good food.,,

tis all for now. i am excited for all the good little boys and girls out there, for there are only 3 more days until christmas!! ack!

Sunday, December 21, 2003

librarians love to party
this morning i woke up and went downstairs (in my real life home in philadelphia) and made tea and mom followed and made coffee (i mention this because normally -i- am the coffee drinker and -she- is the tea drinker...the world has gone topsyturvy!!) and we sat down for brunch and had brie and crackers. we talked about a plithera of things, but my favorite part was when it was revealed to me that she had gone to 3 holiday parties this year!! she is head librarian of northeast regional library (the best library in philly...check out the cd collection!!), just so you understand. therefore, she went to the NERL party, the big staff association party (all philly librarians welcomed), AND had an office party!!

she also told me how her lap seat belt has become stuck so the last time she wore it, as she was in the bj's parking lot getting snacky snacks for the office party, she had to sliiiide out of the seatbelt. i can't imagine my mom sliding out of anything. hahaha. i bet she looked so funny!!

okay, moving on. last night i had a dream about adam r. and how we were at a rollerskating rink / dance party and he came up to me and wanted to rollerskate / dance and instead, i fell asleep on him. i love dreams where i am sleeping, but i only have them when i am really tired. man...i love sleeping! i love dreaming!

next - tonight i am going to do something fun. i don't know what it will be, but i promise you, it will be fun. i think i will go out with tami, whom i haven't see since thxgiving. then, tomorrow i leave for n.y.c. and will be there until wed.

ALSO...for channukah, i am letting my mom buy me a big present - a digital camera!! (i haven't let her give me anything in a while because she helps me out while i am in school. but, i've wanted a digi cam for so long...AND, i will be able to take pictures of avignon! and, of my friends. and post them even!!)

now, i am going to take the best shower/bath ever. i have saved this mud pack thing from israel (dead sea!) for years and i am going to finally use it today. i am so excited. i am going to majorly exfolliate and hydrate my skin. this is going to be awesome.

Friday, December 19, 2003

so, i moved into this new room and my stuff is not yet unpacked. i will be staying an extra night to get this all taken care of. but, the good news about all of this is that i am done with all of my work. incredible.

in any case, i finally got out last night and went over to adam's. the whole thing was such an escapade. we were going to take bonnie's car but as she pulled on the handle of her car door, something happened and now she can't close the door, at all. the handle is loose and it just doesn't shut at all, and instead swings open. it's a very sad thing.

so, i drove instead, even though i was dead tired and exhausted and achey from the one hour of sleep i got the night before, and then the 3 hours of moving all of my stuff into the new room. i was enjoying myself at adam's, but was so incredibly achey. so, i basically excused myself and took a bath. yes, i went to a little party and took a bath. it was completely awesome. the funniest thing was that i had a bit of wine in me so by the time i actually got in the bath and situated, i was completely and totally zoning out.

also, last night, we played a round of the joke game. if you, my dear reader, don't know what the joke game is, let me enlighten you.
- the joke game is a game in which all you need is paper, pens, and your minds. nothing else.
1. everyone gets a piece of paper.
2. everyone writes the beginning of a joke (i.e. a mushroom walks into a bar... or- so, a hooker was walking her dog in the park...) it must end with "..."
3. then the pieces of paper are folded once to hide the beginning of the joke, collected, and redistributed. no one looks at the joke inside.
4. but, everyone writes a punchline to a joke (i.e. and they all died in laughter! or, and he said, "shut, the f*ck up, motherf*cker!"). the punchline doesn't have to match the beginning, and probably shouldn't. just something funny.
5. all of the pieces of paper are collected and redistributed and everyone takes a turn reading outloud the jokes that have been made.
6. everyone laughs a lot.

sometimes the jokes match up, sometimes they don't. and that is the fun part of all of this. here are some of the winners from last night:
- so christopher reeve rolls into a bar...
...and they crapped their pants!
-jesus, casper the ghost, and a stripper are standing on the ledge of a building...
...and the guy says, "no i odered the landcrab!"

haha!! next semester, i will start a blog devoted to the joke game.

okay, enough of this blogging business. time to unpack.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

ahoy from helena's room!!

i like the idea that i am blogging from helena's computer, the central station for her fabulous blog. she doesn't know that i am doing this, for she is brushing her teeth.

shh, it's a secret, until she reads this.

another post!?!? YES.
- so, last night i worked on my final,
was visited by a couple people,
was telephoned by a couple people,
and visited anne in the studio.
- then i stopped by aran's and saw people,
drank a beer,
worked on the final a bit more,
started packing up my room,
had a panic attack,
was visited by anne to calm down said panic attack,
and went to dunkin' donuts with her.

but before we went to dunkin' donuts, i stopped by the studio to drop something off and i was putting something in the backroom, when i stepped on a bag and the familiar sound of soda cans clanging came to life, and lo and behold, a garbage bag with bold, beautiful, colorful soda cans! jimminy crickets, it's just like christmas!! so, of course, after dunkin' donuts i went back to the studio, crushed the cans, punched holes in the cans, and combined them with my other little stash and THEN, i finished my sculpture piece!! ('s always nearly...but, nearly, this time. i need a larger drill bit for the metal stabilizer piece... you have no idea what i am talking about, and that is okay). but, can collection is finished. one last piece to go and it's done!!

but, this is the real reason why i wanted to blog. while i was punchin the holes in the cans, 2 security guards came and i silently began freaking out because i was afraid they were going to tell me to leave.
"been here all night, eh?"
"no, sir! i just got here!!"
"what are you doing punchin' holes in cans?"
"this..." (and with a wave of the hand, i show them my sculpture piece... a 9ft column of crushed soda cans staggardly stacked on top of one another)
"whoa. impressive. what does it mean?"
"'s silly, but it's, you know, supposed to be this social commentary about overpopulation and commercialism, and our disposable society, with all these marketing messages being thrown at you, consumerism, and socialization, and materialism... but, it's silly, it's just a bunch of cans really..."
"hmm.. interesting. but, you see, i look at it differently" (this is my favorite part)
"how so?"
"well, when i look at this, all the variety and cans and everything, i see all of the workers that were involved in this. the artists and the designers, the factory workers, the shippers and stockers. you know, all the jobs that are created by all of this."
(me...dumbfounded) "wow, i never looked at it like that."
((end scene))

so, this was probably the coolest moment ever, i think, because it made me realize that my generation is often looking at what is wrong with the world, and the whole messed up society that we live in. we rarely look at the positive side of things. i just felt like i was taught this valuable lesson tonight. and, i am so thankful for it.

i have never pasted an article into this blog, but this one touches my heart like no other. i am fascinated by...
student sex bracelets!!

First made popular by Madonna and other pop stars in the 1980s, "jelly bracelets" are making a comeback with teens and some grade-school kids. But this time, there's a twist: In some parts of the U.S., they're calling them "sex bracelets" -- with various colors supposedly representing promises to perform sex acts in a game called "Snap."

As the story goes, break someone's orange bracelet (or purple, in some cases) and you get a kiss. Red, a lap dance. Blue, oral sex. Black, intercourse. And so on.
Still, it's unclear whether young people are really following through with the sex acts. And some experts think most youth are hearing about the game from recent news reports, not each other., a Web site dedicated to exposing urban legends, has deemed the validity of sex bracelets "undetermined."

(for the full story, click here)

bloggy blog blog
everything and anything is possible when you put your mind to it. this is what i say right now. i am in the middle of my take home final exam and i am on a roll. could it be from the yellowjacket i took? buzz buzz buzz. or the late-night crazies? zoom zoom zoom. who knows. but i feel as if i can do everything and anything and that is always a good thing.

my friends may think i have let myself go, and i have. my hair is fried. the showers have become less frequent. can't remember the last time i shaved. i also have turned into a cave woman, what with the bushiness of my eyebrows. but, i say, nay. i am relishing in this moment of unkeptness. i like hitting new lows, just so i can come back with a vengeance. you will see. trust me, you will see.

i am not sure what all of this is about. where did this desire to blog come from? i have no idea. but, dear reader, everything and anything is possible. and with that i say..
buzz buzz buzz.
zoom zoom zoom.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

blogging as a form of procrastination

y'know, man, it's not like i don't have anything to do. it's not like i don't have a 12-15 page take home exam to complete, or a room to clean and pack, or people to see. but, here i am, the desire to blog has become so strong that i can no longer deny the urge that has come over me. besides, i have a few things to say.

1) saddam's capture - i got my time magazine today, which i hate to admit, is the only way i ever become informed about what is happening in the world. anyway, there is a picture of saddam on the cover and what i find to be outrageously bizzarre is his major red-eye! (check out right pic, which is on the cover. very noticable on actual mag cover) you know what i am talking about. red-eye that happens with pictures. normally, in a mass publication like time, they would take something like that out. i mean, shit. kodak now takes that out for you with their new special processing!! and there are markers, cameras and computer programs that do this as well! but time magazine editors probably thought, "you know what, this is a bad man. his red-eye is not due to bad lighting or photographic effects. that red-eye is the truth, man! he really is the devil. all the world should see saddam for who he is! the devil, proven by this photograph and his major red-eye!!" i looked at it for a while, and the idea that perhaps they enhanced it even crossed my mind...

2) today i happened to glance at a table of people that i have never seen before. something about someone's skim milk really intrigued me. the way they opened it all the way. i watched these people eat their breakfast and interact, and was mostly interested in them because i had never seen them before. i think they might be students in the graduate program. anyway, after my final, i went to check my mail and what did i happen to see? that very same skim milk box tacked up on the board, above the mailboxes. is this a coincidence, or no? is this some kind of message?? i mean, the chances that i would notice such a thing as a lil milk box at breakfast and stare at it for so long and then to see it later!! weird....

3) i am not hungry right now, but i think i want to go to stimson, just so i can see some friendly faces that i haven't seen in a while....

attn: goucher friends of mine

i will be moving downstairs tomorrow at 10:30am - the great move, as you will. if you read my blog, you know why this is happening. i could really use a hand. even if it's for a lil bit...

so, please come...10:30am dulaney 405, moving to dulaney 301. right downstairs. easy as cake.

thank you

bonjour tous!
since my last post, i have taken a shower and am no longer dirty. i had one of those days yesterday where i spent most of it in a daze. i am not sure what happened, really. i know i saw virginia and we did lunch at thai one on/san suishi too and ice cream at moxley's. i got yaki soba for lunch, and peppermint stick and egg nog ice cream for dessert. that was a lovely lunch, i must say. but, the most hilarious moment was when we were eating our lunches when this young woman sitting next to us, by herself, decides she is going to talk obnoxiously loud on her cell phone. i knew i wasn't into her from the get-go. there was something weird and fake about her, especially the way she ordered from the server. she scrunched up her face all weird and talked kinda funny. in any case, she got on her cell phone and in a big booming voice, announced to everyone that she has been working on her screeeenplay and that she would be fed-xing it everrryday to oliver stone's production company. she repeated that last sentiment a bunch of times in case anyone in the restaurant missed it the first time around. her cell phone conversation halted virg's and i conversation because, obviously, she wants people to listen. so we listened. then we started making comments outloud about her conversation. we started having a conversation about HER conversation! then she said to her friend on the cell, "oh, you know, i am eating lunch in this restaurant and i am talking very loudly on this cell phone for everyone to hear. it's pretty obnoxious of me!" oh, really now? haha.

as a sidenote: i am trying to see the beauty in everyone and stray away from being catty and saying mean-type of things. nearly all of my humanistic readings are about self-actualization, and that seems like a pretty cool thing to start working on, and i think enjoying everyone's uniqueness is one place that i can start working on now. so, everything i said up there may not be a step in that direction, exaaactly, but, it's like smoking. you can't quit cold turkey, y'know?

Monday, December 15, 2003

i am dirty
i probably smell.
my room is messy, dirty and definitely smelly.
i have lit some incense to get rid of that smell.

i just got back from the computer music concert. the beginning (christiana's piece) and the end (james's piece) was excellent and there were some great ones in between. it freaks me out, however, because i will be taking this class next semester and i too will be making computer music. what kind of music will i make? will it be dancey? ambiant? will i sing? or use samples? as i was listening, i was thinking about how much i loved listening to r.d. laing's tape (i'm sorry, i keep talking about him...) in class a few weeks ago. he has such a gentle voice, but his words are so powerful. i would love to sample him. but, it is just amazing what people can learn to do in a single semester. absolutely amazing. i am listening to marlowe's laika cd and it sounds like something someone in this computer class could make if they really tried. i am so proud of all these little musical darlings! you were so great!!

now it's time to get a bit of work done, hopefully. tomorrow will be a busy day. let's hope i will be more productive then, than i was today...

4 questions and an exclamation
virginia, is it really a secret?

russell, you need to update!

jessica, when will i see you?

helena, you want to celebrate?

friends, do you have any soda or beer cans (colorful ones only)?

it's all coming together
i am nearly finished with all of this work. lit review has been turned in and i have 9 inches left on my sculpture piece. things are falling into place. now, all i have left is a bunch of reading, a 12-15 page take home exam, and an inclass final. life is good.

to celebrate the completion of one of my papers, i went to the bookstore and got a pack of mike and ike's, strawberry n' creme. the joy i got from eating it was quite immense, but now i am on a sugar low and i see a little nappy-nap in my future. which will be great because i will wake up from my nap and get some dinner, paid for by a friend of a friend because she has a bunch of meals. i am not friends with this girl, and for a little bit there, i thought she was a vulture because she would always swoop in whenever i talked to her tall and handsome male friend. now, i see her for what she is. a girl with a lot of meals.

on the upside, i came to this realization today that i haven't had much fun the past few weeks due to amount of school work and such and i think the time to get a bit rowdy has come. there has been talks of a party some time this week, but i am talking more of a going out kind of thing. perhaps red maple or spy club? what do you think, friends of mine who read my blog? also, i must see jessica mcd. i miss her terribly and i want to see her and talk to her and kiss her rosy cheeks and look into her bright eyes and smile and laugh a lot. can we make this happen, jessica? can it?

ok, it's nap time. although i am at an energy low, i want to send lots of love and good thoughts to anyone that comes across this blog. although it was a sunny day, i can see how the gloominess of winter can get people down. don't let it get you down. you are loved by someone, and if not by someone, then by me. oxox

Sunday, December 14, 2003

the beauty of real communication
today i had a wonderful conversation with Marianne Nation who works in res. life. we were just chillaxing at the winter meltdown '03 (best ever!) and we started talking about a variety of awesome things that i would have never imagined we would talk about together. for one, we talked about perception of reality and how we all have a different perception of what "reality" is. (sounding familiar? r.d. laing...) which also entails our perception of each other, especially in terms of understanding culture. i really enjoyed the way she described how we understand other cultures. she said this: suppose our culture is red. we learn about red and grow up with red and so, we are always wearing these red glasses. now, suppose another culture is all about yellow. they learn yellow and grow up yellow, so they are always wearing yellow glasses. now, if we were to look at their culture, we would continue to see red because we are seeing it through our own culture's eyes. and if they were to look at our culture, they would see yellow. and when we truly start understanding another culture, the closest we will ever get to seeing their culture is by seeing orange. sounds simplistic, but i think there is a lot of truth in that. it is just like what r.d. laing says (him again? YES!) about experiences:

i see you and you see me. i experience you and you experience me. I see your behavior. You see my behavior. But I do not and never have and never will see your experience of me. Just as you cannot "see" my experience of you...I cannot experience your experience. You cannot experience my experience...yet, I experience you as experiencing.

when i first picked up laing's "politics of experience" i thought it was a bunch of tripe. now i realize that it isn't tripe. and, although some parts about madness and what is sane and insane actually sort of drove me to some points of insanity, i feel that i now have a new-found love for laing. and for marianne nation.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

the beauty of blogging

the beautiful thing about blogging is that it is portable. i could blog anywhere in the world and, of course, anyone in the world could access it (as long as they have internet access, of course). internet is truly a wonderous thing.

but, also the nice thing about blogging is that every blog entry is a new beginning. my recent posts have been boring and lame and i wouldn't be surprised if someone came across this pile of crap for words and put it on the list of "sites to never visit again." you probably think i am down on myself. that is far from the truth. i am happy as a clam and i have perspective. i know when my stuff is good and when it is not. and this is not.

what went wrong here? i don't know. i think i was a better writer when i was moodier. and, also, when i had more free time. time has become this precious thing that i am perplexed by. it is both my best friend and my worst enemy. i, too, am my own worst enemy. i need to be doing work and instead i am blogging.

so, i am going to do myself a favor and let this sit out there in the universe and come back to this place when i feel like i have accomplished something.

btw - another friend has been bitten by the blogger bug...jessica mcd. she is a poet so i imagine there will be beautiful prose in the near future. the great thing about jessica is that she is the one person i know that actually "live(s) in love." leo buscaglia would say that you should love everyone, that you love has no bounds and it is endless. don't be afraid. take risks and grab life by the horns and live a life full of love and laughter. jess seems to be on top of this. i could learn a lot from this girl...

dear goucher students and friends o' mine,

i am in need of meals!! will you help me? i have 6 left and will be here until friday. if you are one of those lucky people who has more meals than they know what to do with, please help me out!

yours truly,

Friday, December 12, 2003

"you may call me dumb...
you may call me stupid...
you may -even- call me dumb...
but i just want to say one thing..."

so, today was a lazy day. the goal was some total ass-kicking paper-writing, but instead, i have been staring off into space mostly and hanging out with miss v and working a bit on the sculpture piece and just feeling more out of sorts that usual. i think it is because i am sick. but, whatev. that's not gonna bring me down.

i am so out of sorts that i have forgotten what i wanted to blog about. how silly of me. this may be, perhaps, my most boring entry. let's have a vote. if you can find a more boring entry in my archive, email me and i will bake you a cake, make you a mix cd (shit! i still have to do that for my friendster friend sean!) or give you a lap dance. it's your choice. just try and find a more boring post and one of those 3 will happen. umm, now it is time to go to stimson, our lovely campus cafeteria, but also my hangout of choice (next to the gopher hole coffee house, of course...). i am hoping that my friends have decided to take a break from all of their work to eat food and be merry. yes, sir.

ciao for now.

oh my
biz stone is blogger god in my book. shit. he is the man, for real. his insights about blogging on virginia's radio show tonight were powerful and thoughtful. biz speaks the truth.

some highlights:

domestication of blogging
blogging in education

speaking of blogs, my friend courtney has started a blog. however, i am not confident she will actually post very much to it because her computer is messed up. we'll see what happens with that. also, she chose the same template as me! not that i had planned on keeping this template, i would much rather have something unique-o-riffic, you know? but, still, courtney!! stop biting off of me! grr. no, i am just kidding poobear.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

oh, and i forgot...2 words about tonight...

club stimson

room update
so, it looks like christina and i will be switching rooms. we talked to res. life and they approved it and so it's going to happen next week. christina seems really happy, and i am happy, but i get the feeling that my next door neigherbor (her friend) isn't so happy. and i wouldn't necessrily say that it is because she doesn't want her friend next door to her, i think it just must feel kinda shitty to drive someone away from you because you weren't a pleasant neighbor. i want to talk to my neighbor and make sure she is okay and that there are no hard feelings...

okay, now that's out of the way, i want to write a little rap song about work overload. it goes something like this:

...check this out...
you think your brain is fryin'
and you wanna do some cryin'
and you're really really tryin'
to get all your work done

you're starting to get smelly
and haven't watched the telly
and there's nothin in your belly
cuz you're gettin' your work done

(chorus/refrain - don't know the diference between the 2)
don't you forget
that it all works out in the end
and soon it will over be over

it's a hit, no??? this song was inspired by russell, whom i have been thinking about lately and hoping that he is doing well with all of his work, which i hear is crazy insane. i, too, have lots of work, but i will not blog about it because no one cares about these things, especially if they are in the middle of writing a paper and just pulled up my blog to take a break. but, really, the song goes out to all my little homies and homegirls who are really workin' it, plugging away and not freaking out. y'all inspire me.

okay, i'm off to start my day...nothing can stop me now!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

we may have a resolution
so, as we last left off, jaime was in a very pissy mood. a very pissy mood indeed. i got through my busy day and at the end of the day, i found myself facing this dilemma of what i should do about all of the crazy business i posted about in my last entry. and so, i talked to christina and we both understood each other's side - i understand her desire to party and have fun, and she understands that i need some peace sometime. and she proposed that we switch rooms. she gets to be on the same floor as her friends, i get to be on the same floor as my friends. she gets a sweet room, i get a sweet room. everyone is happy. so, this may happen next semester. i love my room so much, i think it's one of the best on campus. however, i love keeping my sanity more. i think this could all work out.

i ran into bonnie tonight and touched base with her. it's amazing how i am seeing most of my friends literally falling apart at the seams. bonnie has been working into the wee hours of the night, sam hasn't slept in days, and adam, anne, and laura pulled an all-nighter together. bonnie described the three of them as basically going slightly mad, crazy insane. she said that at one point, adam just sort of walked off or something. and then, just now, as i caught the tailend of virginia on the radio, i heard adam call in and in this very sad, depressing, zombie-like voice, he talked about his work and how he was sad, requesting a sad song, that he wouldn't even hear. poor babies. we'll all get through it in the end. everything will work out.

i need to bitch a little right now
this is not a passive-aggressive entry which i am hoping christina, my downstairs neighbor, will read. this is an entry about respect. this is an entry about not being so god-damn annoying. i am so frustrated right now, i could kill (maybe).

it all started like this:
last night, after dinner i had an enormous headache. i passed by christina on my way upstairs and told her i was exhausted, desperately needed sleep, but would have to wake up later to write a paper. wouldn't you know that 20min later, i am in my room and the girl and her friends are partying it up. on one hand i was relieved, because they could have been next door to me and i thought they were doing me a favor by being downstairs. but, they were so drunk and loud and doing that drunk-rallying thing where that repeat someone's name to get them to chug, or do something crazy. plus, my next door neighbor had people coming in and out as well. basically, it took me 2 hours until i was able to fall asleep. i woke up at 3am, did my paper, went back to sleep at 7am and i was woken up by her shouting in the hall, bouncing from one room to the next, and slamming doors. granted it was 11am, but shit...can this girl piss me off anymore???

i am getting so frustrated with the situation. i am afraid the next time something like this happens i will go insane. i just saw christina and i was so angry with her, i couldn't even speak. i've seriously had enough. things need to change.

i repeat, this is not a passive-aggressive entry. it's only aggressive...

i have just lost my post! this is the first time this has happened to me and although i hate this moment, i love it as well because it reminds me of all the times i read about it in virginia's blog. but, was pretty good!

i was just describing my experience at scuplture class yesterday and how i am well on my way to really starting my final piece. my prof, allyn, a very soft-spoken, hippy-like (but, not in the normal kind of way), lady was at her best. i overheard her use the words, "my buttcrack" when helping anne figuring out the proportions to her clay bust. and later, allyn helped me figure out how tall my piece would be and was being so sneaky with the measuring tape and demonstrating height by looking at me and smiling, as she increased the height more and more implying, "hey, jaime. wouldn't it be great if you make this like 12 ft tall!?" somehow, she convinced me to try 10 ft. i don't even want to calculate how many soda cans this will take. 600? 700? i think i have maybe 300 right now. so friends, if you have cans, i need them! i foresee dumpster diving in my near future. but, i love that allyn really pushes you sometimes to go the next level. she is so awesome.

speaking of sculpture and awesome, katherine has a blog now! i am really looking forward to her posts, seeing that she has a way with words, is so fun and funny, and wicked rad-a-licious. speaking of rad...katherine's summer roomie jen also has a blog! things don't get much better than this. jen is also fun and funny and has a way with words, but she also talks about and questions many interesting things that are happening in the world that i don't know about. two awesome blogs have been created, for all the world to see! yes! and, both designed by the happiest person i know right now, miss virginia. at dinner, she was in such a good mood, so happy and smiley and carefree. i think it is because she has no school work. i want to try and hang out with her as much as possible before break. i want to be around her fun-loving energy as much as she will allow it. and in return, i will compliment her baby blues profusely and laugh at all of her jokes. oh, wait, i do that anyway...

in case you were wondering what i was doing up so early, i actually woke up at 3am to finish a paper. that paper is now complete, which means that after tomorrow, the chains of my cognitive seminar will be broken and i will be free of one class. only 4 more to go...

i think i will go wash out some cans now. ciao ciao. oxox.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

sunday blues
actually, for a sunday night, i am in a good mood. i have been in a wonderful daze all day. still reeling from my late night homework session, i woke up in a fog and it hasn't lifted much all day, but i love it.

today i went over to my prof's house and ate cheese and crackers and sipped hot apple cider. it was the best. but, getting there was the most interesting part. first, i stopped by superfresh to pick up some things to bring over and i hit the self checkout. oh my. i was kind of hovering 2 lines, as was some guy to the left of me. i felt like it was a competition, who could get out first. unfortunately, i was behind this woman who had a magical shopping cart of never-ending groceries. and then, the checkout computer thing went through a list of alll of her many bonus savings "bonus savings...seventy cents...bonus savings...twenty-five cents." ohh, that was fun. but, then! she had a stack full of coupons! "coupon savings...thirty-five cents." and so she scanned and entered the coupons in the machine, one by one. i think she must have gotten half of her groceries for free.

the next little adventure was getting to the right house. we didn't have an exact address, so i called my teach on a cell, got the info, and wound up walking into the WRONG house, not once but TWICE!! the second house had a dog who started to yap and freak out and then... it ran into the street!! so jess, rebecca and i had to chase after this little monster and get it back in the house. oh, it was riot. a real riot!!

the little get together was fun, but i was anxious to get back to school to try and get some work done. but, instead, i had to rush back and go to a house council meeting where we talked about various things, the highlight being which musical act we would want to come play at GIG (get-into-goucher day). i have been sworn to absolute secrecy so i can't name any names, but this list was completely insane. i mean, seriously. INSANE. who do you love?? i bet they were on this list. i was like, "how the hell are we going to actually GET these people!!??" it was torturous listening to the list and arguing about who we want because i was like, "there is no way we are going to be able to get 'so-and-so'!" i don't mean to be pessimistic, but really, come on now. in any case, i think GIG will be awesome this year no matter what. i really and truly believe this...

tis all for now...time to be productive again! ciao!

oh my word
so, today was a bit of a bust in some ways. The highlight was waking up and getting to see Virginia's beautiful face and then chatting until it was time for brunch. After we ate, she left, and I took a nap. Got up from nap and ate dinner. Do you see where I am heading with this? Sleep, eat, sleep, eat. Anyway, after dinner I attempt to do some work. Then I decide I want tea. But, getting tea all the sudden becomes a string of various missions: bring materials over to sculpture studio (which then becomes working in studio), return books to library, collecting more materials, and THEN getting the tea. But, in the midst of all that, I got to talk to the lovely, the delightful...Nishi! Good conversation, as always.

Then I pretended to do work but after a bit, I decided it was time to hit the 80's dance party. I quickly glammed myself up and before I knew it, I was jamming to Madonna, Prince, Tears for Fears, INXS, and The Police. As Robert Smith would say, it was "just like heaven."

Yeah, so I danced a little, but after a while, I realized I was just too pooped to really shake it. So, I abandoned that. Later on, Tim and I played a fun, simple game - we went through the alphabet from A to Z and named 80's bands/musicians, back and forth. It was fun. Man, I love games soo much.

Then I came upstairs, spilled coffee all over my floor, and did some work. I wanted to finish my powerpoint presentation and paper, but it didn't happen. It's okay, tomorrow is another day.

OH god, this reminds me. Tonight, Margaret played "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," by Tears for Fears. I have been on a bit of Tears for Fears kick so it was awesome to hear that. BUT! Do you remember how the song starts? It's completely perfect:

Welcome to your life
There's no turning back

i love that..."welcome to your life." there is something so powerful about that phrase, each word connecting to the next, acknowledging, inviting someone to own up to the fact that what they are experiencing, their day-to-day, their reality, is -their- "life," for better or for worse. i think i connect with that so much and the next line, "there's no turning back," because i often remind myself of that idea. that this is my life, i am here, there is no choice, there is only what i create, what i make of myself, what i subject myself to, surround myself with... mmmm. i guess that phrase helps to reconnect yourself when you start feeling disconnected. "cuz if you're disconnected, stumble you might fall..." (stereo mc's) oh god, am i delirious? perhaps i should sleep now...

Saturday, December 06, 2003

holy crap
last night was insane. i loved every minute, from the very beginning to the bitter end. however, non-stop dancing meant that i woke up so incredibly sore. from my thighs to my wee lil toes, i am aching. it was some of the hardest dancing in a very long while.

tonight, tho, there will be 80s music in the gopher hole. as a lover of 80s music, i will be there for sure, but i can't imagine how long or well i will be able to dance. some alcohol will probably make things a bit better.

the only thing about last night, and perhaps every night that i go out and dance super hard, is i always wake up the next morning feeling utterly foolish. i have talked about this with some of my friends and they say that everything is always a-okay. but, seriously, i need to apologize to that guy that i fell into last night. after hitting my head for the second time on the television, i stumbled over to where some people were dancing. but the stumbling meant falling on top of some hipster dude. oi. i wasn't particularly embarassed. it was just a silly thing, really.

wow, this has been a pretty boring entry, eh?

boobs. sex. boobs.

how's that?

guess what
tonight was the night that i did all of those things i mentioned below, plus then some. the only thing, it wasn't my booty that caught on fire, but my feet. virginia was at her most supreme dj'ing level tonight. i shook it all night long. i kick myself now for not getting to the dance party earlier. but, i hung out with courtney instead and we talked and it was all good because it had been a while since we spent time like that.

afterwards, virg and i hung out in tim's room. we listened to chill music and talked about things like circle jerks and love.

now it is time for sleep. i hope everyone in the world had a good night like me...

Friday, December 05, 2003

tonight is the night
tonight is the night i am going to support a friend in theatre
tonight is the night i am going to drown my self in alcohol
tonight is the night i am going to shake my booty until it catches on fire
tonight is the night i am going to forget about a certain someone

that was not a poem. those were affirmations and intentions. the week flew by and it was an intense one, indeed. i am ready to put it all behind me and have a fun night. the winter formal dance party (no dress code, except hot) is tonight and miss v and shields will be spinning the tunes that make you move and groove.

tonight is the night. i say, where ever you are - make tonight the night.

can i get a hell yeah?

morning classes have been cancelled
so, i was half right. i didn't think school would be cancelled today, and it was cancelled until 11:30am. so that leaves me with one class at 12:30 and then i can do whatever the hell i want. exciting stuff. tho, i am still moody...

Thursday, December 04, 2003

it's snowing
tonight, as i sat outside smoking a cigarette with a tiara on my head and a hard look on my face, i witnessed a beautiful scene. a girl from texas was experiencing snow for the first time in her life. she had never seen snow before. to me, it's old news, since i am from philadelphia. but for her, it was a wonderous experience. she laughed. she cried. she called her mom. and, i bantered a little with her friends. it was nice.

crap boobs crap! (as russell would say)
imagine this. you are sad. you decide to take a nap. you even blog about taking a nap and how beneficial naps are for when you are sad. you close your eyes. and then you hear "the lion sleeps tonight" over and over and over and over again. and when i say over and over again, i mean, like the music comes on and a verse is played, and then it's started over again. and again. and again. i mean, seriously. imagine this scenario. cuz it's a f*ckin' riot, for real. my next door neighbor is a dancer so i realize she was probably dancing to this song, and as it turns out, she is. i bumped into her and she is doing this outreach program for kids and it entails dancing to this song (which i have deemed one of the most annoying songs ever created, correct me if i am wrong...please).

so nap time has been interrupted and i put some lj on, and when i say lj, i mean luscious jackson, not live journals. but speaking of lj's, i have posted a couple of comments on some lj's recently, never anything harsh or mean, just a few words and a certain someone has been on my ass about remaining anonymous. which i think they need to just shut the f*ck up about cuz: 1) i don't want to become a part of the lj world where i post messages all the time, back and forth, on the most random and lame-o topics, 2) sometimes, it is nice to be able to say a few words and remain anonymous, 3) what the hell difference does it make? is it worth freaking out about? why is live journal messaging so important to you ANYWAY? for real for real, seriously.

enough said. i am hungry. and i am wearing a tiara.

what do you do when you are depressed?
i say, "take a nap." that is what i am going to do. i have turned my ringer off, put a note on my door, cleared my bed, and i am going to take a nap. i believe napping is the best quick fix for the blues. you take a nap, you let your subconscious take over and dream about all of those things that you can't deal with in your waking life, you wake up, and you feel much better than when you were awake. most of the time, you can't remember what it is that you were sad about, if there is anything in particular that you are sad about.

so, right now, above all else - i heart napping.

what is the meaning of life? and other existential questions...
yesterday, in one of my classes, a fellow student attempted to wrap up his presentation on alzheimer's disease by answering the age old question of, "what is the meaning of life?" basically, his line of thinking was that alzheimer's disease seems to occur more with people who are less educated and use their mind other words, it is important to keep up with things - learn, take up hobbies, keep living life despite of old age. this seems to fend off alzheimer's. keep your mind sharp, and you will stay sharp. but not only stay sharp, but live, REALLY live, enjoy life no matter what because you are going to get older no matter what and so you should just live for every moment, the biggest and best moments right down to the most mundane and trivial moments (which maslow believes are the -true- peak experiences, but i digress).

i mention all of this because it is hitting me now more than ever that so many of us at this age are really trying to put the pieces together and understand themselves and the world, what they want out of life, what they can do for life (which is probably the best question, by far) know, "why are we (you, me, everyone) here?" basically, it's a collective wtf-freakout. i mean, here is this kid who comes to this realization in one class (we have the same existential, humansistic, eastern approaches to psych class) and is applying this type of thinking to his cognitive seminar presenatation/research paper. everything fits together, of course, in some way or another, but my god.... then there is my friend who is struggling so hard for the answer that he is pushing people away. or, one who is travelling all the way to west coast...and, the one who is transferring... both following their bliss, not letting life be an accident. it's awesome that they are taking action...

but what about the people like me? who are not taking action. i am a taurus, for goodness sake. i am afraid of risk, of change, i am indecisive. i live life as a string of moments, never really planning ahead. and it's scary! and, the strangest part of all is seeing all of the potential in your friends, seeing all of their beauty and brilliance, but not seeing it for yourself, because when you see others in this way, it is easy because you are looking from the outside in. it's impossible to look in yourself, from the inside. i wonder if i am making sense...

anyway, miss v just left and it was such a blessing to be in her company. she didn't mind my moodiness and let me rant about various things tonight. i thinki am a bit moody because a certain someone didn't call. i had a dream about him and in the dream i realized that he was a big jerkface. i need to bring this realization to reality...

but, whatev. in the vein of virginia's recent post, i love you. it's the truth tho. for. real.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

first day back
i feel like a child. all day i have been on the verge of a fit, i think. i don't think i was ready to come back just yet. knowing that work needed to be done just put me in a bad mood. i know there are many others out there that feel the same way. for example, tonight i overheard brandon say, "i can't get anything done. i just don't feel like doing work." i am with ya, bro. i am in the middle of my experimental paper...and even though i am nearly at the end, i feel like just going to sleep because that is what i want to do. mm, hibernation. let's all turn into bears and hibernate for the winter. i love the idea of turning into a nice little bear and snuggling up somewhere and sleeping...a lot. of all the fun that i had at home, i think my favorite moments were those that entailed sleeping in my bed with my cat, his warm fluffy body so close to mine, his purring lulling me to a peaceful rest. i can't remember the last time i slept so well.

marlowe just came by to give me some cds for my listening pleasure. she is so awesome, lemme tell ya. we talked a bit about music and kissing girls and such. it was nice. but, of course, i had to say goodnight to her and get back to my work...stupid work.

i guess i should just say goodnight to blogger as well, and get back to my work. tomorrow i am meeting my mom to pick up a can crusher for my sculpture project. we often do this halfway thing, meet at the cracker barrel in elkton, md (about an hour away) and get lunch. it's so nice she is doing this, but i honestly would much rather sleep late. man, all i ever want to do nowadays is sleep.......