feeling feverish
just got out of the shower, after sweating my way through the night, and i thought to myself, hey, i should go to blockbuster's and stock up on movies. then i nearly fell down because my knees buckled under. silly me.

i wish there was something i could do to keep myself entertained. virginia popped by today. as did max and austin. no, wait, they came by last night. marlowe brought me apple juice and ocean's 11. i will watch that, but i wish i had a tv in here. short programming is what i need right now.

but, i don't want to talk anymore about my condition. there is no point. i want to talk about something else. but, all thought has eluded me. perhaps blogging was a bad idea. i think i'll just go back to bed now. sigh...

i'm out of commission for a couple of days.
i have a nasty case of tonsilitis and a 102 fever. therefore, i will not be able to celebrate marlowe's birthday or see brmc and the rapture. if you know anyone that needs tix, let me know. - jaime

gala in brief
the night was...
good.
fun.
danceable. (but, dancing to hiphop in formal wear will always remain silly)

we had the best limo driver: bill. (refer to virginia's post)
everyone drank too much champagne and wine because the limos left late and we had a small window of time for the free booze.
no one took pictures.
which is a shame because everyone looked so beautiful and handsome.

galagalagalagalagalagalagala
today is galaday and i am excited. i have a dress and accessories and i am feeling pretty good about the whole thing. i normally freakout about formals and i have hated them with a passion, but now, i love it, mostly because it will be the first(and last) school-related type of thing for me.

so....GO GALA!

in other news, i am out the door, on my way - for a pedicure, the best thing a girl can do for herself, next to a facial.

my adventure
it all began in a rush and a hurry. i went to class and left within a split second when i realized my teacher wasn't coming. and so i drove. i drove and drove until i reached my home in philadelphia. i walk in and pet the cat. tried on the dress, the sole reason for my homecoming. spent the next 2 hours looking for accessories. called tami and we met up at the oregon diner. we both had turkey burgers. went back to her place and she showered me with more accessories.

and i was thankful.

left her house and made a pit stop at wawa.
the 2nd time i visited a wawa that day.
i love coming home.

get back on 95 and as i make my way through chester....BUMP!
and then whipwhipwhipwhip - i hear my tire whipping it's way over the asphalt.

and so i exit at exit 6 off of 95S and find myself at widener college. upon exiting the car, i hear the faint deflation of my left front tire. it has already lost a lot of air. and so i call AAA. get disconnected a couple of times. i finally get a hold of someone and as i explain my problem, i'm approached by a blond-haired boy in a hip black tee with rockin' sneaks.

"what's going on?", he asks.
"flat tire." i say.
"ahh yeah. you got a car jack?"

and so he begins helping me. i discover that my car has parts hidden in the truck that i had no idea about. blond-haired boy finds bits and pieces. but, we don't have all the right tools. i am just thankful i have a spare. blond-hair boy and i work on my car for a bit. i find out he's in a hardcore band. figures. he looks the part - very i'm in a band. very cute. security car comes by. and then it leaves to find tools. another comes by. the other comes back. and then another car pulls up next to mine. a silver honda with a busted left front tire. we've hit the same pothole! left hand side of the left hand lane.

"yeah, he makes the 4th this week," says one security officer.

blond-hair boy makes his way to the other car. i am so amused by him. i love how quick he was to help me. how he just flopped down on his back and jacked up my car. he seems good with cars. i watch him squat down and jack up the other car. i admire the boxers sticking out of the top of his jeans. then, i jack up my car some more. the tire is still on the ground.

"lemme help you with that," says one security guard.
"no! i like doing it. it makes me feel powerful!"

after some time all is settled, for the most part, as my spare is quite flat. i follow one of the guards to a gas station and he helps me put air in my tire.

but, in the confusion, blond-haired boy stole my car jack. and my heart...


thank you blond-haired boy!

thank you widener security!

what to say?
the days have been pretty surreal. you forget and then you remember and then you forget again. but you will never forget. i want to move on. i need to move on. but, from my window, i can see the lit votives in front of the tree.

in other news, today has been a mixture of good and bad:
good
- my headache finally went away
- i had the most delicious ice cream
- marlowe mentioned she had an extra ticket to gala and i may go
- mat came up to me and said that my skin glowed
- i saw russell's michael today...twice
- i got to talk to allyn about my sculpture piece and got a lot of good feedback and info

bad
- i spent 5 hours in the art building and got absolute zilch done because nothing worked right. this made me feel like i was extremely ineffective and worthless and that i had no control over my surroundings...i cried a little
- i was scared to be in the darkroom by myself because my mind was playing tricks on me
- i have lost the ability to check my coolcounters

other than these things, i am starting to feel the semester kicking into high gear. i want to spend every minute i can working on either photo or sculpture. i also want to go out dancing all the time.

p.s. have you noticed that ben affleck is a great celebrity but a terrible actor??
p.p.s. i promise my next entry will be more interesting

today
just isn't better.

my god
today was one of the most heart-wrenching days of my life. dear, sweet tom made the choice to end it all and, as a result, left a campus full of mourning and grieving students who are shocked, saddened and hurting. tom, you will continue to live on in my heart, strumming your guitar and singing, "hey jude" and playing your mouth like a trumpet in between the verses.

you will never be forgotten.

spring break 04 is officially over. thank god.

all of the following are true:
i'm back at school and i am happy to be here.
i have had a headache for 4 days.
i have worked on my sculpture piece and i feel good about it.
pandas are freakin' cute.

sophie ellis-bextor

i recalled tonight that helena had once said that i looked like sophie ellis-bexter, british pop sensation and singer of "murder on the dance floor."
check out these lyrics:
if you think you're getting away
i will prove you wrong
i'll take you all the way
boy, just come along
here me when i say...

hey, it's murder on the dancefloor
but you better not kill the groove
it's murder on the dancefloor
but you better not steal the moves
dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down

do you see what she did right there? the chorus is related to crime, hence murder on the dancefloor! oh that sophie is one sharp cookie... and terribly attractive. which brings us back to the question at hand ---
how sweet is helena? fyi: i look nothing like sophie ellis-bextor.

welcome to the new me
today, i got some fresh eye contacts pour mes yeuxs and a facial and a haircut (4-5 inches, yo). i went to my old hairdresser, the one who still cuts my mom's hair because she had an opening today. the cut is fine and all, but i wish i went to billy at blue. i hope my peeps will react favorably to the cut because i think it's just boring. it may also be the way she fixed it. whatever. hair grows. and that's that.

it's st. patty's day today and i wish i had some of those delicious irish potatoes that you get at the candy store. mmm. delicious coconut and cinammon goodness. dang! i could go for some of those babies right now. mmm. mouthwatering treats.

spoke to the virg today and got to hear helena's giggle in the background. i'll be seeing them friday after getting mad work done in the sculpture studio. allyn will be so happy when she comes back! and perhaps the nightmares will end. tata for now.

jaime goes down
why was "igby goes down" in the comedy section? i think i chuckled at one point (or was that my mother?), but most of the time i had my sad face on and didn't crack a smile once. "black comedy?" black comedy my ass. it was a decent movie, but not what i was expecting really. it was all teenage confusion and deep resentment fueled into one boy who doesn't get in touch with his emotions until -after- his mother dies, of course. (i am giving nothing away. you figure out that she dies during the first scene.) but, there were actually a bunch of movies in the comedy section that i felt were far from funny, besides this one. i would like to go back to monsieur blockbuster's and take note because i find that situation, in itself, to be hilarious. kind of. i think. i dunno.

i wanted to blog about something. i have forgotten already. perhaps this was it? i don't know, i have forgotten. my tummy is full. i wish more of my friends had blogs. i wish the guys who went to new orleans had a collective blog because i was just watching that show on comedy central, 'insomniac with dave attell' in which you follow him and watch his crazy antics as he gets drunker and drunker in various cities, and he was in....you guessed it...new orleans. and i watched it for a bit hoping that i would see thom or katie or emmett or jess or margaret then realized, "you dumbass, they tape these things far in advance. this was probably done a month ago!" and then i realized, that i was wasting my brain power with all of these ridiculous shows and decided to get work done. not unlike what i do back at school, i decided to blog first. this is life. i am thankful that i stay far away from the boob tube at school or else i would have no life whatsoever and would get zero work done.

eeh, whatever. forget this! i'm outta here! (in the vein of tim's mugging story) i'm gonna get myelf a cup of tea...PEACE!

white white everywhere
what did we have today?
rain
sleet
snow
hail
locusts (no, wait, that comes a little later)
slush

woke up this morning and to my surprise i saw white everywhere. huge snowflakes came crashing down and later on, ice pellets were smacking themselves against my windshield. i have no desire to leave the house again. i have watched the school of rock dvd, and goddammit, i will watch it again! this time, i will find the dvd remote and even watch...the extras. you wait and see. when i didn't go out last night, i resorted to monsieur blockbuster and spent 40 minutes cruising up and down the aisles, biting my lip in anticipation of a movie that i have (unknowingly) been dying to see. yes, i have wanted to see jack black in all of his glorious rock angst and fury, but have i been dyring to see igby goes down? i dunno. i have eyed it before. now i will watch it and i will be able to pass by it next time and say, "yes, you've seen that one. move along now. move along." sometimes i forget which movies i have seen. sometimes you program yourself for so long to remember to get certain movies that even after viewing it, you have forgotten that you have actually seen it! (case in point: scotland, pa. awesome movie. and yet, after i saw it on the shelf, i got excited, picked it up and then reminded myself that i had already seen it).

my mom almost purchased a co-op today. it freaked me out a bit. almost as much as realizing that we were looking at the apartment of someone recently deceased. green shag rugs, scary looking bathroom colors, old dishware everywhere, and the tell-tale sign: an enormous candy jar of candy that was probably as old as i. the deceased aspect, i am only guessing, but the place had a very sad air to it. most of the apartment was packed away, except for some things here and there that looked like they would be handed down to family members, or sold off (tv, couch, dining room set). uggh, why am i talking of such things? it was kind of depressing, really.

the heat is up to 71 in the house and yet i have goosebumps everywhere and am fully clothed with my jacket still on. my nose and hands are ice cold. what does this mean?

zoe update
it appears that zoe has an overactive thyroid. poor thing. it is only one point over the norm, but perhaps that is why she is so crazy sometimes?

also - it's 3:30pm and my brother hasn't arrived at the house yet to help clear things out. perhaps this means he is not coming at all? this is typical behavior of my bro. i think there is a lesson in all of this, such as, we will never be able to change the ones we love and we should accept them for who they are. it makes me sad tho because i know he has good intentions, but he really should be here by now to help out. especially because we have gotten very little done. if he were to come, it would get our ass in gear and get this place cleaned out a bit. especially since a large portion of the stuff in the house is his!

okay, enough whining and more working. ciao.

the pet's vet
zoe went to the vet today. normally, she is hissing and screaming as soon as we attempt to get her into the carrier. but, instead, she saved all that spitfire for the doctor. "can we get a muzzle" in here? "we need a towel!" "STAT!" she was just going insane and it is the most ridiculous thing to see your cat turn into this vicious beast nearly foaming at the mouth. but, now she is home and laying in the sun and all of that trauma has faded, i hope.

in other news, i have decided today that when i get back to baltimore, i am going to see a therapist.

now, i am off to get a dup of my license and get food for the house (i have been eating nothing but crap the past 3 days). perhaps later i will shower? maybe even soma? ha! it is doubtful, i am sure.

sad time for blog readers

what a shame
to go through my list of friends
and see
that only one has updated today

i know it's 10:40am
but, it seems to me
that people aren't updating as much

another day...another day
i am reading this utterly strange book called, "the kin of ata are waiting for you." it's not particularly well written, or anything, and i probably wouldn't finish it if it wasn't for class, but it's one of those topsy turvey science fiction books that sucks you into this weird realm that you don't know is even worthwhile imagining and creating in your mind's eye. it's pretty bizarre, but i think it's getting better.

it begins with the main character killing this woman (g/f? wife?) and then learning that he is tormented by his dreams, but more like his nightmares, and so you don't know if it is a dream or not. but then he has some freak accident and wakes up on a strange island surrounded by strange people who speak a strange language who know nothing of the outside modern world, except what they dream (they know of helicopters because they have dreamed them). and they believe that their dreams are just as important as their reality. very jungian - i get it.

okay, moving on. my ass hurts from sitting on my butt so much. i watched a 2-hour britney spears special on e! and now i hear her in my head singing, "nobody else...but...meh!" what is it with miss spears singing words so funny? she is by far, not the worse culprit of this, but so many singers sing words ridiculously funny. and not even to make it rhyme, just to sound cooler, i think? a good one that comes to mind is miss tori amos. i love her and all, but, boy, sometimes, she likes to take words to a whole new level. who else does this? you know what i mean. and, what is so funny, is that we love it! we sing along and we sing it like they do! i'm drawing a blank here, but you know what i am talking about.

p.s. there is nothing better than trashing your middle and high school excruciatingly revealing english papers/journals - i don't even know how i was able to look at my teachers in the face back then. it made me sick reading some of them... god, what a painful time that was. now i understand some of the blogs and livejournals that i read by the younger ones. OUCH!

dear helena,
spring break thus far has been a bust. i came home on friday to have that porcelain cap placed on my left back molar. the procedure was abrasive because it was a fitting and it was soo tight back there and sweet sweet dr. gandel had to cram it in, then pull it out (...stop being perverted!) and that went on for some time until, alas, the dang thing broke! now it is useless! and i have to go back this friday which, really isn't awful, because i get to see my dentist again, always a good thing.

my days here have been basically moping around the house and feeling like i am sick or something, when really i am not sick, i am just back home. all i want to do is sit on my butt and watch television and take naps with my cat. perhaps i am turning into a cat?

and now, i will start helping my mother clean house and get all of this crap out of here.

but, more than anything else, i need to get out of the house. i wish you'd call. i am wasting away...

yours truly,
jaime

today was a good day
lately, i have been hitting some lows, as some of my friends know. sad and sobby one minute and anxious and angry the next. but, today was good. i don't know why, but it was. i went to bed around, i don't know, 4:30-5am last night because i took a nap yesterday and then drank a bunch of coffee to stay awake and get my reading done. and a lot of it got done, but not quite everything. but, i woke up this morning feeling, i don't know, like it didn't matter all that much and so i began my day with an early lunch, although i just ate the insides of a cheese sandwich i made and then met up with some peeps (russell, h-train, and helena) at pearlstone and hung out with them for a bit. as soon as the caffeine buzz kicked in from my coca-cola classic that helena bought me, i decided that i would get myself together and head right over to the sculpture studio. i saw my teacher and she was like, "it's good to have you back! the past is in the past and i look forward to your work!" which made me feel good because i have felt like i have been avoiding her so much. it was exactly what i needed to hear. especially in hindsight, because i tried to get work done but nothing happened. and so i left and went to my room to get my coffee mug and lo and behold, i bumped into virginia and russell (and later chris!) and they said, "you want to go the women's lacrosse game?" and i said, "SURE i do!" (especially since kate of said lacrosse team informed me of the game) and so i went and cheered for a bit, sat on the bleachers and did some reading, but was too cold so i went inside and got a feta cheese sandwich and sat alone and read like a good student.

and then the most amazing thing happened...i came back to my room for some reason, and my phone rang:
"hello?"
"hey jaime!"
"helllloooo," i say, with uncertainty in my voice.
"how's it going??" says my long lost brother (!!)
yes, my brother called me, which was just so insane because he never ever calls me and we just never talk. i hear about him though my mother. he's around, but is very busy and such. and so we talked, and it turns out that he was just calling to see how things were and to tell me that i will be seeing him on monday, which is pretty cool. also, he said that there is a 90% chance that he will be able to my graduation which, a) is bullcrap, because b) he has to come. the other 10% is to keep our relationship on edge and make it seem like i owe him something if he gets out of work. it's all mindgames. nothing new here.

then i went to class, got back my philosophy paper (an A, holy crap!) and had a bunch of fun. immediately after class, i bumped into virginia and followed her to frasier's for their karaoke night and witnessed some pretty awesome singing as well as some pretty awful singing...with virginia's rendition of tears of a clown in the former category. i left early so that i could get a good night's sleep and start my day right tomorrow.

life seems pretty okay right now. let's hope it stays that way.

jaime is for kitties
















if this doesn't warm your heart,
i don't know what else will.

someone was just outside my door
i could see their feet shadows on the floor.

i woke up kind of early this morning and i am moodier than i was the day before. i have been up for 2 hours now and still, i am not yet in the right frame of mind to start my day. my solution? go back to sleep.... sweet dreams.

4:20, dude
it's time to get ill...

blah. what a freakin' gorgeous day. blah.

why does no one blog on the weekends?
i find it humorous that people lay off the blogging on the weekends. it appears that people prefer to blog when they are between doing things, bored, at work (internet time on the boss's dime), or when they are in the midst of good old, tried and true, procrastination. blogging = procrastination. (what do you think?) i dunno, i also think boredom plays a good role as well... i just came back from the ottobar and i am not quite ready for sleep.

(a pause)

bonnie, morgan and sarah just came in. i fed them pita with hummus and olive tapenade. they loved it.

and now i am back to blogger world. my computer is blinking like mad and i think one day it's just going to die. ahh well, nothing lasts forever.

just put on some depeche mode because 80s mayhem at the ottobar was umm....severely lacking in the dm department.... and, also, the dj kind of sucked because he was outrageously inconsistent (brit pop to 80s hair band to girl band to rock to some weird random song) fast slow fast slow. it was like a bad mix tape come to life. it was hard to keep up the momentum to dance because of this. but, it was kind of fun, i think. i dunno. i was in a mood. i should have just stayed home and read or just gone to adam's and then come back here. btw, adman was so adorable tonight. he read the story of purim and we then all made hamantaschen on his wax papered dining room table which was already set up with all the fixins' and supplies we need to make the most delicious hamantaschen. raspberry chocolate was the best, i must say.

friday was pretty fun too. we did the round robin and the best part of the night was hanging out in the quad and enjoying the night area and smoking from the hookah. one day, i will have a hookah of my own. i love them so much.

and that's that, i guess. OH, i went to my first lacrosse game today which was pretty awesome and brought the bear i made earlier and screamed out WOO HOOoooo when we scored a goal against swarthmore. it was pretty great, i have to say, even though it rained out. then afterwards, i took a much deserved nap with my bear and virginia.

and lastly, i have been dreaming A LOT about dogs, usually abandoned ones (and even abandoned children). what do we think of this?

this day, here...this day....
i woke up and after looking out at the day and the temp, i decided it would be a good idea to wear a sweater so i went digging into the closet for virginia's hot green sweater (given to her by ms. k) and i looked and it was no where to be seen. i started freaking out so hard and i was just going insane, basically. then virginia called and i told her about it and apologized profusely and she was basically, "whatever, dude. you want to get some lunch at stimson?" and i was like, "but i lost it! it was under my SUPERvision!" and she found a lot of humor in that and i felt some relief. but then i started freaking out again and something hit me.............maybe......i never.....got it from the.....laundry room?!?! like, a week ago?? and, lo and behold, there it was down in the laundry room....untouched for A WEEK. so, whew...i got virginia's sweater and the rest of my light colored clothes, mostly underwear....which was funny for me because i had been wearing all black underwear and such for this week and i was thinking to myself, man...i have so much dark underwear. well DUH, it was downstairs you IDIOT.

in other news, BEST BUY v. ME
and the verdict?? it was - - - a DRAW
after spending 2 hours talking to various employees and higher-ups, they decided that they would indeed replace my warantteed car radio. BUT, they needed the receipt, which i did not have (it's been 3 years, dude!) and so now i have to call a bunch of credit card companies and see if they can find my transaction # that way. so, it's just a matter of time before Best Buy can kiss my ass and own up to the fact that they are going to give me a new radio. (!)

HA. and spy club isn't happening tonite. i am just way too exhausted from that ordeal.

in 23min, var's show!!

cheddarbroccollisoupwasaNoGo
the soup was just okay. but, the dinner was better than anyone could have asked for. nishi was there and it was as fun as it gets. afterwards, nishi, russell, and i spent some time at record and tape traders and we all got cds...nishi the most, then me, and then russell, who started to have the most but dwindled his pile down to, alas, just one. it is late and i can hear russell's scruffy gruffy laugh eminating from the hall. perhaps he will knock and say hello? perhaps not. if he knocks, he will get a cigarette. let's see what happens..........

thus far, nada....

ahh well...his loss

note that helena left me on my board
"you've got such a good grip on life, jaime. let's do something fun this weekend."

interesting, because at this moment i feel like my grip on life has seiously loosened and i am falling through some sort of abyss.... i think it's mostly due to working on photography for 5 hours and coming up with nothing...i think my brain is fried, which may explain the headache. and then i read nishi's blog and it made me sad and now i feel empty inside and i don't know what to do with myself...

i think the best plan of action is to put on some nice soft comfy pajamas, lay in bed, read the latest entertainment weekly while i twirl my hair and fall asleep.

tomorrow i have a brocolli and cheeder cheese soup date with someone special...

hell
i am in paper writing hell. i am up to my seventh page of this philosophy paper and now that i am writing my conclusion, i think i have done everything wrong and i think the paper is just a bunch of nonsense and is not on topic. what the hell happened??? CRAP. it is due tomorrow and i am too sleepy to finish it. now i must go to sleep anxiety ridden and hope that i will be able to put something together by tomorrow evening.