L.O.V.E.

my mind is swimming. and there are boys doing laps. boys boys boys. i feel like such a girl, but boys and more boys is all i can think of at this moment. i have my eye on a few, but i don't know what i want from any of them. perhaps some tender moments. i don't know how i feel about relationships. and of course, all of this is just in my head. the reality of it all, is so bizarre, it is confusing and meaningless.

let's start with the strangest of them all. a boy that i know very little about except from what i hear from friends. i noticed him in class and i got hooked. "he's extremely quiet, shy, and strange." that is what everyone says. "but, extremely nice." i asked him to be in our group for class, via email, and the correspondance that we have struck up has been so strange, i don't know what to make of it or him. we haven't even talked face to face, yet i am so intrigued. he is the sort of fellow that is most comfortable reading a book in a quiet coffee shop, or as i have witnessed, will take out a book during class. "he is extremely intelligent," i have heard. "give him enough time to put his words together and he will talk. be patient." in our last class, he was blocked by another student sitting in from of him. i wanted to look at him so badly. all i could do was catch a glimpse of his ear and shoulder and arm. he sat by the window and the natural light highlighted the nape of his neck. it was so nice. but, i wanted to see more! i tried to telepathically send a message to the girl sitting in front of him that she needed to pee. "whhhhsssshhh. you need to pee so badly...it is necessary to get up and pee." unfortunately it didn't work. and then class was over and he was gone. a mystery boy.

another is a long ago crush. a friend that i've always been fond of. last night we kissed a little bit and he nibbled my ear and it was so sweet and nice. but, i don't know what to make of it. he has some problems - problems that i would love to fix. a problem boy.

the third, i am at a loss for words. i can't even talk about it. he is a friend and i don't even know if it would be a good idea. but, i've always thought he was so great and beautiful. when he smiles, my heart melts. it may sound cheesy, but it is true. the situation was totally normal before, he didn't know, but he may now, and all i can say is, "eek!" but, still, a lovely boy.

let me move away from this moment and talk about the beautiful moment i had with the seagulls that were swooping down in the target parking lot. they got so low, i have never had birds swoop so low. there were times when i thought they would hit me. i loved looking at them and their wingspan and was amazed by their strength to stay in the air unrelentlessly. don't they get tired? no, that is how they are built. i felt like there was a reason why i witnessed such strength. they came so close to me, but no one else. i nearly got hit by a car backing out because i felt paralyzed standing in the middle of the parking lot - i had to watch them. and so i got in my car, which was close by, and watched them from the driver's seat. and they circled above me. it was difficult to pull myself away from this, but i had to get back to reality.

speaking of reality, i need to exit bloggerworld and do something productive. the day has gone by so fast!! need to clean my room and see if there is any work that can be done before i leave to see vigilant system. going to make a couple of phone calls as well.

ciao oxox

what has the world come to?!?

i am in a frenzy. i realize it is an unwarranted frenzy, but it is a frenzy nonetheless...

I CAN'T FIND MY FAVOURITE BODY WASH ANYWHERE

i think the sarah micheals company has gone out of business because target no longer carries any sarah michaels brands. i've also been to cvs and rite aid. what the hell is going on??? if anyone has any info, please let me know what has happened! and if you come across sarah michaels milk and honey foaming body wash, buy some for me PLEASE.

also, this just in - go to the talking head on saturday and check out vigilant system, marlowe's band.

also, i can't believe rowan finally got busted for smoking pot! nearly everyday, the outside of his room had the sweet stanky smell of ganja. i was always in disbelief that he never got caught. after a while, i came to the conclusion that must have had immunity because he was a philosophy major. perhaps he had immunity last semester but no longer??

drunky drunk

in aran's room without his knowledge. also, roommate matt is gone and i am using his computer. went to the senior cocktail reception where they attempt to get you so drunk that you will give them all of your money. everyone i know that went got super drunk. i mean, who wouldn't??? FREE BOOZE. shiiiattt. you know what i am sayin'??

the record is skipping. BEN!!! fix this sutuation asap! ahh yes, back to awesome rap. whew. i wonder when aran and matt will get back.

tonight, i watched russell make out with susie. it was a painful sight to watch. i want to make out with a boy too! argh. perhaps perhaps perhaps.

bisoux oxoxox

2000 miles away
he walks upon the coast
2000 miles away
it lays open like a road - pj harvey

when will miss harvey put out her new album?? i am having a hell of a time waiting. her last one, "stories from the city stories from the sea" was amazing, but i don't have it right now because it was one of the many cds that were stolen from my car over thanksgiving break.

speaking of breaks and such, i am having a headtrip realizing that i have finished school and i am still here. i made this decision because i thought it would be good to take all those classes that i have wanted to take - to have a semester of intrinsically motivated learning. thus far, however, all i want to do is hang out with people. i think a lot of people feel this way, and i am sure things will be different in a week or two, but it is a weird thing being able to think to yourself, "in reality, i don't have to get up and go to class today." but, seriously, i do need to go to class because they are still for credit and can effect my gpa.

anyway, this is what i have scheduled right now:
english & american lit: the epic (to be dropped)
philosophy: nietzche
psychology of dreaming
color photo
computer music (perhaps dropped)
ind. study: welding (to be added)

i think philosophy and psychology along with 2 art classes would be the most ideal. color photo is supposed to be extremely time consuming and although welding will be on my own time, i often become very ambitious and take on projects that will take a lot of time. so, we shall see.

oh, and take notice of the time. i got up at 8:30am!! wtf?? now that i am in this room with only 1 window, and a schedule conducive to staying up late and sleeping in, i can't sleep in!! grrrrr.

also, looks like i will be going home this weekend. i have left some important things there such as my cell phone charger and shoes (as if i needed more shoes, but these i really like!).

- bisoux - oxox

and if you are reading this dominque, please email me and let me know how things are going!!!

this is how it is
went to class today and my hair froze a little on the way because i didn't have enough time to finish drying my hair. next, in class i fell in love with fred white (english prof) but then got sad when i realized that the class was all about epics which i am not too fond of. looks like i will be dropping this class. c'est la vie. went to lunch and to my thankful surprise, bonnie, brandon, matt, and peter were there. adam joined us later. it looks like this will be the lunch crew. good times good times.

and then! i went to psychology of dreaming and first on the agenda was a 10 min meditation session. we then were asked about our visual space and someone mentioned that they saw a unicorn and so norm talked about how he has unicorns in his life as well, but i got confused because he didn't really mean unicorns, he meant sweet people in his life that were children. norm then told us briefly of his visual which was living under the oak tree with the roots and tending the soil and such because he confessed that in reality he is a gnome. fast forward a few minutes and norm is now speaking of the importance of carrying around a dream journal.
"i used to carry a small journal in my back pocket. this was after i carried marijuana in a small tin everywhere because you never know when you are going to need the marijuana. just like you never know when you are going to need your dream journal."

rob just walked in and now we need to buy ingrediants for the house social....

tis all for now. bisoux oxoxox

i found this weird bite on my arm this morning
perhaps it is a spider bite.

today is the 2nd day of class. yesterday, i had color photo and philosophy but in reality, i only had an hour of color photo because the school closed at 4pm. i just woke up a few minutes ago and i am terribly sleepy. i think i am feeling the effects of the jet lag. yesterday i was able to handle things but today, i am just so out of it. probably having that wine last night wasn't a good idea. i thought blogging for a moment would be a good way to wake up and exercise my brain. but, what i should really be doing is exercising my body. i want to shed like 20 pounds or so by graduation. thus far, i am not doing so good as i have eaten a bunch of my mom's delicious cookies. i need to get them out of my room. but they are so damn good!

okay, it is nearly 11. i have class in 30 minutes. i am dirty and probably smelly so i a quickie shower is in order...

with all of my love - oxox - jaime

please tag my board. it looks awfully sad!!

i just learned how to enter pictures!! yay!

i wanted to post the photograph that won me $75 from the study abroad photo contest but it didn't work. instead, follow this link for my pic. i'm the third one on the top row.

holy shit!

nishi changed her url. grrrl, hmmph. she is no longer phillynish but the actual sex kitten she was made to be, at http://kittenishi.blogspot.com. which is a good thing, for while i know that her philly pride will always stay strong, she now lives in westminster, maryland. and here is another blog alert. nishi's friend frank now has a blog of his own. this is what i know about him:

he is wickedly funny
he makes movies
he has worked retail
he bowls
he has a new puppy
he wears glasses

punjabi mc and you don't stop!
it's 8am and that is the first thing i think of. wait, what am i doing awake at 8am? can i do recap, please, because i am thoroughly amused---

-went away for 3 weeks to avignon, france
-got violently ill towards the end, a couple days prior going to paris
-went to paris, fell in love with paris, but then had to spend one day in the hotel resting(no worries, i will be back)
-spent the last night in paris with 6 other people in a hotel room that was to accomodate 3
-snow storm hits and so flight is delayed 4 hours...spend 10 hours on a plane
-get off plane in philadelphia, go home to get car and drive 2 hours to baltimore in treacherous freezing rain
-get to baltimore and immediately start partying til 2 in the mornin' (us time), but 8am (france time)
-wake up the next day at 8am (us time, 2pm france time)
-and here i am blogging for the first time in a week, back in my room which is in utter disarray
-and now i ask myself...how did i get here?? (...letting the days go by, let the water hold me down...)

okay, wait, what??? what??? quoi?!

...biggie Biggie Biggie can't you see
sometimes your words just hypnotize me...

aran's dj'ing skills were at an all time high last night. the dance party was on and everyone was moving. it felt like heaven, dancing with everyone again, seeing all the beautiful faces that i haven't seen for a while, especially those who have been mia like sarah, russell, morgan, max.... at times i would look at sarah or i would look at russell and i honestly couldn't take it. seeing them again in the flesh, dancing, it was too much to take.

"grrrowwl" says my stomach. i am hungry. going to nibble on some kugel that mom gave me. oh, and let me mention this one - mom paid for a shuttle to pick me and 4 of my fellow traveling companions to take us back to my house. when we got there, there was this huge spread waiting for us with cold cuts, kugel, chips, pickles, soda, homemade cookies and little clementine oranges. she even had homemade chicken soup!! moms are unbelievable sometimes.

oh, and before i forget. there is a very special person out there that i need to mention. her name is dominique. she is spending a semester in avignon and i had the pleasure of spending some time with her for she is staying with the host family that jess and i stayed with. she was so nice and good to me when i was sick and i want to thank her for that. and, if she is reading this, it is time that she starts her blog. yes, mickie, the time is... now. oxox. p.s. keep your eye out for tom. furthermore, it is necessary that you go to delirium to a) find tom for me, and b) have an awesome time. i even did the research for you delirium so you have no excuse.

and i haven't learned much...
read me

at jen's suggestion...
i have added a tagboard!

man, i need to pee soooo bad but i don't want to waste any minutes here at the cybercafe...

before i leave, i need to find out what is happening with the elliott smith case. suicide - oui ou non??

blogalert

nishi's blog is active again.

**

i repeat, nishi's blog is active again!

quelques histoires

hello all. there are some things that are gravely missing from this blog which need to be told. a few noteworthy happenings. let's start with this fun little story about the hot guys from le T.R.A.C. theatre company that visited goucher last year. some of you may recall them...for i remember that there were a bunch of you who hung out with them. i, unfortunately, was not there for that moment. but, anyway, for those of you who don't know how awesome these guys are, let me recount the happenings of one of our nights in taulignon when we saw a little history piece. afterwards, we had dinner and got to hang out with the performers. i spent the whole time talking to a psychiatrist/actress for my research for this class. others befriended the hot tech guys. after we all ate, the theatre company sang us songs, so we returned the favor (although perhaps "favor" is the wrong word), and we sang to them (hey jude). jordana then did a solo of a dispatch song. then this one guy started doing some awesome stomping thing and then did capoiera with jessica. not too long after that, about 10 min prior to our departure back to the hotel, jess and jordana , who had befriended 3 of the hot tech guys, asked where they could get a bit of herbal relief and wouldn't you know, there was a grower among them. free fun for all!!! and a lot too, very generous. one of the guys, the most attractive of them all, lives in avignon, so hopefully we will see them again.

tonight, a bunch of us will be going out for some fun. perhaps to see some live music, maybe dancing. we've only had the chance to really go out one night to redzone and chilled at a pub a couple of other nights. but we have only a few nights left and so, we must make the most of them.

btw, manu chao is playing. yay!! this place plays awesome music. quite ecelectic too. before they played portishead and yesterday, we were hit with some old nirvana and snoop dogg. haha. they even played the stereo mcs, an old favorite of mine.

oh, and let me mention here and now that i received a letter from my fine friend helena!! thanks helena! you totally brightened my day.

i also want to send out some well deserved lovin to my girl, virginia who will be going on yet another roadtrip with one of the handsomest boys at school, mr. russell, whom i am very excited to see when i head back to school. very excited indeed. p.s. virginia now has a domain name, and while her website is in its beginning stages, it is necessary to visit it and make it a favourite!!! p.s.s. russell, i cried hard too when i saw big fish...like a baby...

another beautiful thing that has happened here is making friends with the owner of the bateau ivre, a very handsome parisian who has spent some time in california and is oh so cool and i think i love him a little. jess and i spent some time with him this one particular day and he practiced his english while we practiced our french. it was très cool.

speaking of jess, when we were at the pont du gard, this awesomely old roman aqauduct, little miss thang got down to her skivvies and went for a dip. thankfully, she was wearing her hot leopard print panties and a good bra, but those came off when we got back on the bus because they were soaking through her clothes. one thing that i have discovered on this trip is that this girl will do just about anything. it's good to have a leo on this trip with a lil bit of a wild streak to shake things up a bit. very good. she even started a mini riot when everyone protested that we didn't have enough time to study for our test. like i said, it's always good to have a leo...

DUDES!!!
I just wrote this awesome engaging amazingly long blog entry and this window popped up in french and i didn't understand and i clicked on something and lost it all!!!! let me try to recall what i had written. i am going to try and recall everything. this time i will number everything and hit all of the major points.

#1_back at the cyber espace
just got back from taulignon (more about that in a bit) and i am back at the cyber cafe that i always go to except i am downstairs where the lighting is better (upstairs good for gaming, not for blogging), drinking a coke and smoking a cig. that new year's resolution of no smoking was impossible to keep in france. i don't know what i was thinking.

#2_miss miz
thanks so much for your email. you were absolutely right about people appearing to know more french than they actually do. i have decided that i am not going to let it get to me and to just try my best because that is all that i can do. i have been eating plenty of cheese, as i eat it not only as a meal, but also as dessert for that is the way they do it in france. i have eaten the best cheese i have ever had in my entire life, it is insane. and also, drinking outrageous amounts of wine. i think i have had like 6 or 7 glasses today already.

#3_helena
speaking of wine, i have thought about you while i drink all of this wine because bottles of côtes du rhone is everywhere and i recall you saying that when you stayed in france, you drank this wine as well. i am giong to try and bring you back some, but my bag is already super heavy, so we will just have to see.

#4_taulignon was amazing
we visited a silk museum and learned all about silk worm harvesting which was really cool but also kind of gross. i got to see ancient roman ruins which was truly amazing. i love this stuff. i did some drunk karoake while my classmates and profs watched and later on that night, saw le sommelier (the wine guy who was the boyfriend of the owner of the bed and breakfast where we stayed) fall down the stairs and then pee himself. i had a hard time getting that visual out of my head... also visited a chateau where a very beautiful madame sevigné had this outrageously long correspondance with her mother in which she spoke of the happenings and way of life of bourgeois society. the letters are still read today because of her impecable writing and detail of 16th century way of life. this makes the chateau pretty well known and there is even a festival of correspondance that happend every year. i propose that there be a festival of blogging. what do you think, fellow bloggers?

#5_things are getting better all the time
i have had some pretty awesome things happen here, so i will no longer complain about this trip. although, it is still difficult. i am starting to look at the bright side of things like improving my french. let's try and have a conversation when i get back, helena. perhaps you will to be able to tell.

i think this will have to end here, unfortunately. jess and i have to get back because we don't want to worry about our host mother. besides, there will be another american student there so i am anxious to get back and check her out. speaking of jess, she really has been awesome. i honestly don't know what i would do without her.

oxox au revoir oxox

newflash
my minutes are almost up at this cyber cafe, the same one that i was at last time. "we will rock you" just came on. i love it, and now one of the french boys that is playing a computer game is singing along a little bit. there are three other boys here in the upstairs "computer geek den" and they are the same ones that were here last time. seeing that i am at a time crunch, i am pasting the email i sent to my mom, which is probably my most revealing blog entry to date because this is the kind of thing that you only send to your mom, that you could never send anyone else. perhaps i will regret this, but this is me...being a baby...and asking for the comfort that only my mom can bring...

hey mom!
i am here and things are okay. hope all is well with you. ummm, things could be better, though, but i am trying to make the best of it. i am still sick and i think the plane aggrevated things because i think i may have a little ear infection or something. i actually went to the doctor and i got some homeopathic medicine, which seems to be working. i am struggling with the french, more so than other people in the class, i believe. i think that has been making me feel very inadequate as a person and i am full of doubt all the time. i don't mean to complain, i just haven't talked to anyone about this really and i feel like it needs to come out a bit. also, i wasted a bunch of film because my camera battery died and i kept messing up the rolls. i don't have enough clothes ; i don't know what i was thinking when i packed. i think mark (my prof) has a strong disliking towards me. everyone is exhausted all the time because we are always doing something, and i wake up in the middle of the night around 2 or 3am and then get an hour of sleep before i wake up. my eye is in constant twitching mode because of this. blahhhh. i hate complaining like this. but i know that things will only get better. i am thankful that i have jess here. she has been keeping my spirits up. i honestly don't know what i would do without her!! i best get going. sorry this was so negative!! i can't wait to hear your voice. it will be like music. oxox...jaime

that's all for now...to all my homies that may be reading this...i am missing you hard and i can't wait to see you!!

bonjour!!
hello everyone! at this very moment, i am in a very dimly lit cybercafe. jessica s. (my partner in crime) and i went to the top of this :cyber espace: where the walls are spraypainted in bright neon colors with dark pictures of characters from dungeons and dragons or lord of the rings. the room is lit by black lights and young french boys are the only ones up here, most of which are playing computer games against each other where they fight their way through dangerous labrynths with guns and then shout things at each other from across the room. typing is insanely difficult because the keyboard is very different. this is q sentqnce thqt i q, typing to shoz you hoz different the keyboqrd is: the auick broan fox ju,ped over the lqwy dog: do you see what i mean??

anyway, everything is very lovely here. avignon is a wonderful little town, from what i can tell. this is day 2 here, just so you know and i haven't seen much because we just got in last night and had class all day. it is 4:23pm right now and i am so sleepy because i could only sleep for a couple of hours last night. the couple i am staying with are sweet as sucre. i have my own room and had some nutella and a mini waffle for breakfast, what more could i ask for?? except, for my camera to work, i think the battery is dead.

ok, that's all for now. jess and i have some more exploring to do before our aparatif with our families. jess has been a superstar, let me just say... a real life saver. i don't know what i would do without her.

this just in!

went to walgreens after i posted that last message and browsed the store for a bit. headed over to the camera film section when i noticed a very strange scenario. a girl, around my age, was on a phone speaking frantically and describing a male. "he was about 5'7", was wearing a grey hoodie sweatshirt, dark hair, dark glasses........he said, 'i have a gun and i am going to kill you.'" of course, the girl was emotionally distraught, but for some reason i continued with my shopping. it didn't surprise me really. why, just a few days ago, tami told me about the mother of a high school friend of hers who was stabbed to death. i didn't feel much for that either, which i thought was really terrible because this was someone's mother. i tried to be empathetic (which normally isn't hard for me) and i got nothing. i said those words which i thought would be most comforting to tami, but i was too detached to really feel anything. as if it wasn't real. which, is pretty much how i felt about this recent situation - that it wasn't real, yet as it is happening, it is pretty normal. of course there is going to be some crazy man walking southbound on bustleton ave. threatening young ladies. it must be happening all the time, i just happened to have gotten some info about it happening. perhaps this makes no sense.

in other news, i just read this recent post of helena's:
"it is hard to hard to hard to write about this past week. Jaime wrote about a lot of things in her blog already, but she forgot to mention that at the Greek Party, I met my first drunken dog, and at Soma, we were birthday girls."

well, what i forgot to mention actually was never forgotten. what helena doesn't realize is that i actually had written a very long blog entry about the greek party and soma...but lost it all!! i then had to rewite about it and left some bits out. but, c'est vrai, it is true, at the greek party there were 2 dogs, one super friendly, the other was drunk off of it's doggy-dog butt. passed out in one of the chairs. every once in a while, it would open it's droopy eyes and raise his heavy head to get a feel of what was happening around him. but then, he would just go back to sleep. poor dog. and at soma, helena, adam, and i did indeed wear birthday hats. we saw that it was someone's birthday and so we headed over to where people were wearing party hats and grabbed some for ourselves. also, in that entry, i neglected to mention that i fell a little bit in love with this guy named marcus. we only talked for a little bit, but there was something so dreamy and beautiful about him. ahhh...marcus....

ok, i am out of here, for-rizzle ma-shizzle. ciao. xo

it's been a while...
that's for sure. i have been a busy bee the past few days, so that's why i haven't been blogging. all in all, new year's was a success, minus losing track of helena...and, the other incident. this incident i am pretty embarassed out, but not for myself, but for the shameless boys who i was hanging out with on new year's eve in a bar called urban square. a little after midnight, after taking their shots of jamison, these boys decided to skip out on the check. which, in itself, is pretty shitty. but then, they neglected to tell little old me, who was outside talking on a cell phone. so, when i came back in, i sat down at a table which had its drinks cleared and was promptly handed a tab for $80. i don't know how long i was alone there, looking hi and lo for these guys. i even tried to leave and search for them outside, but was denied at the door and the waitress came over telling me that i needed to pay for the check. phone calls were made. confusion and frustration set in. and just when i was at my wits end, a phone call came through and it was one of the guys, telling me that they were coming back. their explanation was that they were drunk and wanted to skip out and they thought they had told me... whatever. i wasn't all that mad, really. it's just a shitty thing to do. we headed off to a new bar, which i loved, except for the fact that i became outrageously thirstly but decided to drink black & tan's to quench me of my thirst. probably not the smartest thing. woke up the next day terribly hung over and just couldn't wait to come home and be at peace in my own bed. but, before we left, we took a walk through central park, which was great.

in 2 days, i leave for france. i wish i had more time here to just chillax and get my head together. it feels too early to start doing work again. i am pretty much not looking forward to this, which is bizarre. i am sure once i get there i will feel much better about this situation.

also, tonight i canceled hanging out with someone i had started talking to via friendster. i feel basically awful about the whole thing because i do want to get together, but i was just too tired to do anything or go out. i want to go to sleep like right now, but i can't... it's too strange going to bed before midnight. i am going to head over to a drug store and pick up some things for the trip.

...au revoir...