a pet's passing
58 hours ago, my beloved pet, the best buddy, pal and companion anyone could ask for, and as trite as it may sound, the love of my life, passed away. miko may have been just a cat, but to me, he was everything i wanted and needed. if you are my friend, you know of my undying devotion to this animal. he just made me so happy. the sickest part of all of this is that i used to go to sleep every night, my head and his head on the pillow, and i would look into his eyes and wonder what i would do without him. i would contemplate that fateful day when his existence would end and i would torture myself like this until i made myself snap out of it and enjoy that very moment because i had to realize there was no time like the present and that there was no point in looking toward a sadder day. that sad day is here but i think i am holding up much better than my past self would have imagined. i've heard stories about vacations cancelled and days holed up in ones' room due to a pet's death. i took one day off for the day of and one day off for the day after. and on my lunch hour, i got another cat.

now, you may think it's too soon. and i kind of think it is too. but, i can't imagine going to my house without something there. his name is tonto. he is six years old. he is gray and smooth and looks like tuscon the cat, over at bonnie and anne's place. i chose him because he is older, because i felt it serrendipitous that he was brought in the day that my miko passed away, that they weigh nearly the same and i loved that his name was tonto. i wanted to name the next cat rocky because i feel like i need a strong cat in my life and "tonto" seems strong enough to me. i may call him rockytonto if i feel so inclined, and tonty when i want to talk to him sweetly.

i will miss miko with all of my heart. and maybe this isn't the kind of stuff you post on your blog. it's not sexy or interesting or fun. it's not political or wild or controversial. it's just what's going on and i thought i'd let people know. cuz, damn...grief sucks.

i feel like an asshole
there were a couple of things that i would have liked to have done by last year's end. 1) invite people over to check out 34th street, sit on my porch, drink hot cocoa and watch the people go by and 2) get the secret santa thing together. these two things eluded me like a tiger in camaflouge. this is me. i can suck at getting myself together and organized. one good thing, as some of my friends now know is that i got a doorbell and i am totally psyched to test it out. so far, i have been the only one to use it. which sucks because i know quite a lot of people and at least one of them should have rung it by now. but, it's winter and even i have stopped venturing to friends' apartments.

yesterday, i was flyering in federal hill for my job and found myself in front of the old magic shop on charles. it's moved to a smaller storefront next door, but what struck my attention was the flyer in the window - "COMING SOON. ILLUSIONS. MAGIC BAR AND LOUNGE." Uhh, MAGIC? BAR? LOUNGE? MAGIC BAR LOUNGE?!?!?!?! awesome, right? i went into the small magic shop to press the owner for questions. not only did i get some answers - upscale, loungey, non-smoking, opening in spring, bartenders doing close-up magic, small magic acts, etc. but i got a tour of the old store/new lounge. the whole thing bordered on kidnapping, but it was cool. the owner (ex clown for ringling bros and ex ronald mcdonald, which apparently is a big deal) showed me every nook and cranny of the joint.

in other news, i was on an elevator today when a very dirty, dishelved, bum-looking kind of guy turned to me and said, "i really like you haircut. your hair is very nice and pretty. i work downstairs on the street, at the hotdog stand. you should come by and get something." to which i replied, "thanks, but i can't. i can't have anything to eat or drink because i need to get my blood tested." as i was walking off the elevator, i could hear him asking the back of my head, "why are you getting your blood test?" and yet, all i could ask myself as i crossed the street to my car, "is it a good thing or a bad thing when a man who could be mistaken for homeless compliments your haircut?"

i will leave you with this question to ponder.

until next time...

peace. and happy new year.