today is my bithday
do you know that song by the sugarcubes called, "bithday?" i'm playing that in my mind right now. it's funny to think that there is no one out today that has that sort of spontaneous burst of energy that bjork did in the sugarcubes, not even the bjork that we know today who now prefers making progressivly stranger and stranger music. what was that last album called...the one with only the human voices? ah yes, medulla. but, the sugarcubes' "birthday" is a perfect little song. quant, strange, and full of imagery. just perfect. i love how the little girl threads worms on a string and keeps spiders in her pocket and paints huge books and glues them together.

so sweet.

but, today is my bithday and i have spent the morning wasting time at a friends house, trying to get myself out of the house. i got out of the hospital last night. i've been sick. i wasn't there longer than a day, so it wasn't that bad, though they wanted me to stay over night and that's where i had to draw the line. i've spent my birthday in the hospital before and it sucks only because it plain sucks being in the hospital any day let alone a special one.

anywho, i'm sleepy so i should go. tata.

Twenty some odd days since last post

what good are you in life if you are not pretty, clever, interesting, or talented? these things seem to be on the top of everyone's lists these days. not to be down on myself, but i am certainly feeling none of the above. i am not terribly depressed over these things at the moment. i am a bit too tired to really feel that way right now, anyway. i guess i feel like i had a moment once when i was really tapping into some of these things, but not now. i dress like a slob when i go to work because i have long ago stopped caring. outside of work, well, i can't make excuses for that, but i ain't feeling what i'm shaking, if you know what i mean. i can't be too clever at work. cleverness can get you into trouble. though, i like to think that i have moments of cleverness outside of work, but that seems to have subsided as well. interesting? i've felt dull dull dull as of late. and any talent i once had has quandered away. though, i spent a lunch recently running to the photo store to get a battery for the camera that was given to me to replace my dear old charlie (stolen in august). i think i may name this new camera marty, in honor of my deceased cat miko (if you didn't know, in judaism, you name your child after a family member who has passed away...)

today, i talked to a coworker about art restoration and i realized how exciting that career would be. i think it might be something i should look into.

gym
so, i've been going to this really great gym that opened up not too long ago. it's really terrific and new, though the 2nd door in the women's bathroom has never had a lock and it can get rather crowded, but other than that it is perfect. the reason why i mention this is because i just came from there and had a very strange experience. a woman who must have taken a swim and a shower came right out in the open totally and completely naked. okay, whatever, that happens. but then she proceeded to go to her locker, put her bathing suit away, and i joke not, went to the bathroom naked (eww) and then went to the scale and weighed herself naked (eww eww) and then stood under the handrier for-like-ever and proceeded to dry her hair (and maybe body, i refused to look) while naked (eww eww eww). the last one skeeved me out the most because she had to sort of bend over and stuff and the drier is in a very prime location where a lot of people are going to go through. and this wasn't a young lady either. she was definitely in her 40s or 50s. i dunno. maybe i am just too sensitive to these things, but i was just totally shocked about this woman's inability to simply get dressed and take care of these things while clothed.

restless night
i woke up half a dozen times last night, so restless was i. i woke up twice, maybe three times, to the sounds of the mice scampering outside and then inside my house. first time - i pushed the cat off me to investigate. as we slowly crept to the kitchen, first just the patter of slippers and paws, then a pause as we enter the kitchen and listen to the squeak squeak squeak. there is nothing to do here, so we head to back to bed. second time i wake, i investigate again, but this time i am more interested in a mug of oj. approaching the kitchen, i see there's the cat, low to the ground, holding watch, taking care of everything.... good cat. i knew i got you for a reason.

when the levee breaks
seriously, best song to listen to on the elliptical machine. i mean, i know led zeppelin may not be the first thing you think of when you want perfect music for the gym. madonna's new album was top on my list for a while, until i tried good old led zep, and...bam!!!...i'm in a whole new state of working out. totally awesome.

so, the funny thing about this weekend, was the fact that i found myself on two dates without even realizing it...and on the same night. man, how does one get to be so naive at my age? i make these assumptions that hanging out with a guy is hanging out with a guy, until you find that he's in a button down shirt with nice pants and even nicer shoes and you're in your tried and true blue jeans and the shirt you wear when you want to look nice and be super comfortable. and the next thing you know, he's buying you your drinks and giving you those tell tale signals of shoulder and waist touching and you're like, "what is happening here??" i'd get into more detail about the second date scene, but that's a whole other scenario i am still trying to piece together. i mean, i don't even know where to start, except for the fact that we would make the oddest pairing. grad student that totally has his shit together in the sort of way that makes you realize that you need to start reevaluating your own life and...oh, i don't even want to think about it.

mmmm....the smell of home cooked meal is bringing me back to the fact that i am at a friend's house. the most wonderful meal has been prepared.....mushroom risotto, pesto chicken, with ceasar salad. how perfect! while grating the parmasean cheese, i mentioned the whole zeppelin at the gym thing and since then, we have been listening nothing else but. it turns out, when the levee breaks is perfect for grating as well!!

okay, time to go. bye bye internet!

what is it about posting in the libary?
something about being sandwiched between people, the gentle pitterpatter of emails being written and hardcore fantasy gaming. it reminds me of the time i was in france and my friend jessica and i went to a cybercafe. it was probably the most surreal experience as the teenagers all came to play these shoot em up games amidst stale coffee and black light. curses abound as players were killed across the room from each other. sitting next to one, you fell somewhere in between of being in awe of the technology and annoyance at the waste of young life wasting away hours on absurdity. to read more, click http://iheart.blogspot.com/2004_01_01_iheart_archive.html#107348958231495164

in search of that post, i found another one written a little more than a year ago.
http://iheart.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_iheart_archive.html#110719711311181542
why is it that things haven't changed much? how can i be more like madonna when she says, "There's only so much you can learn in one place. The more that I wait, the more time that I waste" strong words, right? almost as good as, "i don't like cities, but i like new york, other places make me feel like a dork." but, getting back to that first quote, i really do feel like i am stuck in one place. i have been in baltimore now for quite some time, liking it, maybe loving it, but never feeling like it's my home. when i go back to philly, my heart comes to life and i feel energized. but, the problem is that i have sentenced myself to one more year at the job. 51 weeks left of this. something in me has died while working there, and i have no idea what it is. but, sometimes i think it's not necessarily the job, but just the whole working thing in general. does anyone out there REALLY love their 9 to 5? i mean, REALLY???

i have 4 minutes left and so i should go. i can't wait until i sort this whole laptop thing out and can do my blogging elsewhere......

near-death experience
coming out of the tiny alleyway next to my work, inching my way into the bustling street, i see a car coming straight at me. closer now, i can see the driver has a strange grin on his face and at that moment, i see my impending death, just as he nearly misses me and disappears around the corner. as my heart races in fear, i turn to see that the car that has just missed me, jumped the curb, and astoundedly, does not crash into the store front nor scrapes the car parked on the street, said car, belonging to my boss. car touching neither brick nor metal, the driver miraculously (and i mean this in every sense of the word) saves himself and his passengers from crashing straight into a wall or window and misses not one but two cars. what was the reason for all of this chaos? turns out, the brakes had given out on the driver. if it wasn't for his superior driving skills, there would certainly have been more than a few scratches on a few bodies today.